First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
