I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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