So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
