What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
