this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
