I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
