I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
