dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
