I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize