After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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