We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
