He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
