Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
