vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
