Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize