he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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