It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
