i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
