When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
