3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
