I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
