I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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