well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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