oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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