the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
