I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He shit in the fireplace
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
