sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
