How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
