my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
