My pussy is not your playground.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
