This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
