The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My dick has a subreddit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
