just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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