You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
