Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I believe in your delicious
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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