just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
