is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
