I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
