In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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