I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
