ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
