my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
