Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She needs sedatives and a leash
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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