we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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