i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i will never coherently bang her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
