Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
