textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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