Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
