Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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