She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
