Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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