By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
