Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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