3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
