he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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