Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
