Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
