I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
