You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
