I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
