She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
