Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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