i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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