Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
