True but thats because hes a fetus.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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