That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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