You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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