Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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